Thankfully, we have been spared the deadly norovirus that is circulating the British Isles. However, we were inflicted by a rare strain of the most powerful and deadly flu – commonly known as “Man Flu”.
My husband has spent ten days roaming around the house in his dressing gown, wearing a woolly hat which he says is essential to keep his head and ears warm. The heating has been pumping around the clock just to ensure the germs are kept cosy in our close knit cottage. The open fire has been banned for a week as the smoke, “irritates his sinuses.”
He has embarked on a lengthy ritual of remedies and scattered tissues around the house that are unable to make it to the bin. At night, I have endured the strong aroma of TCP with which he has gargled together with the Vick that he has smothered across his chest. He tosses and turns, groans, huffs and puffs at the sheer agony he is experiencing.
The only thing that seemed to relieve the pain temporarily was a film, preferably a thriller but no sooner were the credits rolling, the virus struck again it its most virulent form yet. He has conducted a full investigation of where he contracted the deadly virus sniffing out any guilty party who happened to sneeze near him in recent weeks.
Admittedly, at times he did look a bit pale and peaky but unfortunately there is something about Man Flu that promptly turns me into a ‘no nonsense’, unsympathetic wife. Perhaps unfairly, I was tiring of the patient in the woolley hat. I wanted to be spared the regular updates of the symptoms throughout the day. “Go for a brisk walk across the fields and blow the germs away, I suggested.”
He is quick to point out that I have never suffered from this strain of virus before. He is indeed right as according to the Urban Dictionary, Man Flu is, “an incurable virus which has been adapted to only effect the XY gene found in men. The virus attacks the immune system 10,000 times harder than the average flu virus, causing excruciating pain for the victim. The often deadly virus is mostly laughed at by women who sadly cannot contract Man Flu.”
