I don’t take my dogs for a walk anymore. They take me for a walk. During recent months, the black Labrador puppy has developed into a large, gregarious teen displaying some obvious symptoms of canine ADHD. She has gradually picked up strength and has become utterly fed up with her now rather plumper owner who resembles a plodding packhorse across the fields. Canine obedience in our household was certainly flagging so there was nothing more for it than to call in some emergency dog training.
The dog trainer listened patiently on the other end of the phone as I emotionally offloaded my dog issues. The list was endless – pulling on the lead, blatantly ignoring me when I call them across the fields and worst of all - jumping up enthusiastically on numerous pairs of pale trousers. Oh, and did I mention that we are shortly inheriting some poultry, much to the border terrorist’s delight. Finally, I would be enormously grateful if you would conduct some voice management training for the border terrorist who drowns out the nearby cockerels first thing in the morning. “Please help me?” I say whilst sobbing into a nearby tissue.
He suggests we join him on a nearby farm at the weekend and tells me to bring the family, “so I can see what the dogs’ relationship is with you all.” Oh help, I think to myself as visions of muddy paws throwing themselves all over the children when they come in from school spring to mind. I feel we need to do some emergency training ourselves prior to meeting the professional to avoid total humiliation.
Thankfully, on the day itself the dogs behaved themselves quite well and just like children with their grandparents, were more sedate and attentive than ever. I am sure the dog trainer thought the bad dog behaviour I was talking about on the phone was more than likely down to the neurotic hormonal owner. When we returned home, I was eager to try out my new dog training skills and enthusiastically set off for a dog walk. A few minutes in and the Labrador spotted something across the fields. She shot off with me shouting commands behind her in my most ‘assertive’ voice. It was too late and the commands fell on deaf black ears. After all there was a wonderful pair of gleaming white trousers on the horizon.
